Why Heskey is better than Messi

Why Heskey is better than Messi - Pretty convincing argument.

Heskey has never missed a penalty, Messi has
Heskey has 61 caps for England, Messi has 0
Heskey has scored 7 goals for England, Messi has 0
Heskey has scored 100+ goals in the Premier League, Messi has never scored in it
Heskey undoubtedly has a larger cock than Messi
Heskey is black, Messi isn't
Heskey's feet are size 15, Messi's are a tiny size 10
Emile's shots go out for throw-ins, Messi's don't
Heskey's bitch is sexier than Messi's bitch
Heskey misses a lot because he doesn't want to upset the goalkeepers feelings, Messi just scores all the time because he's a twat
Heskey has played in more World Cups than Messi
Emile has played for more clubs than Messi, meaning he is more versatile
Heskey has been bought for bigger transfers fee than Messi ever has
Heskey quite clearly has a better haircut than Messi
Messi played sh*t in the Champions League Semi Final against Chelsea, Heskey didn't
Heskey has never had a bad game in La Liga, Messi has
Heskey weighs much more than Messi, making him the better man
Heskey's head is infinitely bigger than Messi's
Messi is one ugly little sh*t, whereas Heskey even gives straight guys a boner
Heskey can play without Xavi and Iniesta
Heskey changes clubs regularly, as he wants to give everyone a chaUnce with his brilliance, Messi just stays at Barcelona
Heskey has better strength, heading accuracy and aggression on FIFA 12 (the only attributes that matter)
Heskey has played more times in the Euro's than Messi
Messi has never made a girl orgasm, Heskey does by simply staring into a womens eyes
Heskey's middle name is 'William Ivanhoe', which is far better and cooler than Messi's middle name 'Andrés'
Heskey has had sh*t managers such as Alex Mecleish and Steve Bruce, whereas Messi has had Pep Guardiola
Heskey can play at Centre Back, Messi can't
Heskey has more pubic hairs than Messi has goals
Heskey hits his shots into row Z because he's a nice guy and wants to interact with the supporters
Heskey has kids, Messi doesn't because he can't score off the pitch
Messi earns more than Heskey, meaning he is greedier and therefore a pr*ck